Let's Play Some Tetris Mother Russia
by Raggedy Doctor
Summary: Alfred shows Matthew a new game. Ivan sings classic Russian folk songs. Tetris is better than pong.


Don't Own Hetalia, but I do own (quite a few) versions of Tetris... but I don't own the rights... oh well...

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"Dum dum de da dum de da dum de da—" Alfred whistled to himself.

"That's a catchy tune," Matthew noted, "Sounds strangely familiar, what's it from?" Alfred grinned his award winning heroic smile which could strip paint and blind the unfortunate that stare directly into it. Luckily for Canada, his glasses were tinted, although he was dazzled for a moment.

"W-what have I said about doing that?" Matthew groaned rubbing his eyes.

"Sorry, bro, force of habit. Besides!" The heroic country declared, "I'm just ecstatic about this awesome new AMERICAN video game."

"American video game?" Matthew blinked (probably because of the heroic smile as well as a bit of confusion), "Don't all video games come from Japan?"

"Matt, don't be dense, there are plenty of games that come from America... pong... and THIS!!!"

Alfred proudly held out his gameboy. Canada blinked as little Russian men started to dance on screen... this was... American?

"Um... Alfred?"

"Awesome isn't it? It's called Tetris. Basically the little pieces fall and you have to fit them together to make a 'line' so that the line explodes. If the pieces touch the top of the screen you lose. It also has really catchy music." Alfred bobbed his head to the beat, "You'll buy it right?"

Matthew sighed. Alfred was trying to sell him strange things again, no wonder... although Tetris did actually sound kind of fun...

"Ohhhhh!" The door slammed open.

"What the hell?!" The North American brothers jumped up frightened as cats.

"Oy polnym polna mоya korobushka

Yest' i sitets i parcha.  
Pozhaley, dusha-zaznobushka,  
Molodetskogo plecha.

Vyydu, vyydu v rozh' vysokuyu,  
Tam do nochki pogozhu,  
Kak zavizhu chernookuyu,  
Vse tovary razlozhu!!!!!"

"Russian in my house, there is RUSSIAN in my house!!" Alfred twitched standing up quickly to face the door.

"This is my house Alfred," Matthew tried to point out, and was ignored. Ivan stood in the door way continuing to sing along to the gameboy's little midi tune.

"What the Statue of Liberty and apple pie are YOU doing here in AMERICA?" Alfred shouted.

"Canada," Matthew plaintively corrected.

"Korobeniki! Ve are singink classical Russian folk music da?" Ivan asked cheerfully entering the house and closing the door.

"No, we certainly are not!" Alfred said indignantly, "As if I would foul my mouth with your language!"

"Not to mention you can't even speak Russian," Matthew softly added, and was ignored.

Ivan frowned for a moment, but then spotted the gameboy in Alfred's hand. His face instantly lit up again, "Ohhhh, we are playink Тетрис da?"

"Don't say it so... Russian-like," Alfred glared.

"How else would he say it Alfred?" Matthew sighed... and once again was ignored.

"How do you know about Tetris anyway?" Alfred continued suspiciously, "You've been spying on me again haven't you!?"

"Of course not Comrade, I vould NEVER do that, NEVER!!"

"I can see you crossing your fingers Ivan..." Matthew said, frowned, and then realized there was no point because he was being ignored. He took the Gameboy from Alfred and began to play. This was a pretty good game!

"Then how?" Alfred frowned not even noticing the game was missing from his hand.

"Russia invented Тетрис!" Ivan sung.

"LIES!!!!" Alfred yelled pointing a damning finger at Ivan who looked very smug indeed, "You Soviets don't know how to making anything FUN."

"Vhy do you think it is havink Russian music then? And Russian dancers?" Ivan pointed out.

"... It's a metaphor! Yes! Tetris is a metaphor for the crumbling Soviet empire!" Alfred declared, "The pieces fall into place and EXPLODE in your faces! That's what Tetris is!"

"Just admit that our Тетрис is better than your... pong," Ivan sniffed as if the very thought of pong was not even worth putting in the same sentence as Tetris... which... let's be honest here it really isn't.

"NEVER!!!" Alfred lunged, as he was want to do, at Ivan and they continued to beat each other on the ground.

"It's all a Soviet plot! To ensnare my general public and control our brains!"

"You are insane!"

"DIE COMMUNIST BASTARD!"

"YOU FIRST CAPITALIST SWINE!!"

"YES!! HIGHSCORE!!!"

The combatants stopped what they were doing to look over at Matthew who was dancing in victory, "Hey a rocket ship." He grinned, and then blinked... it had gotten awfully quiet... He peered behind the screen at Alfred and Ivan. Alfred was currently biting Ivan's elbow and Ivan was about to punch Alfred in the ribs.

"Um..." Matthew blinked again... the Tetris was obviously getting to him. Alfred looked like one of the T shapes and Ivan like a J..." He closed his eyes, but the shapes were still falling. Oh God, it WAS a Soviet plot against the western world!!!

"No, that happens to everyone," Ivan corrected. Had he screamed that part out loud?

"Vell... we COULD continue to fight," Ivan said suddenly flipping the distracted Alfred over, "Or, like our mutually favourite game""

"I like pong better!!!"

"We could join and you become one with Russia, da?"

"Matt!!!" Alfred screamed as the Russian hugged him, "MATT, MATT, COME HERE!!"

Matthew stumbled over, still seeing Tetris pieces flying every which way. With his free hand Alfred grabbed Matthew's arm and pulled him on top of Ivan.

"Matthew makes us a line! I'm free!" Alfred said throwing the two off him with an explosive force and running off.

"Ow..." Matthew groaned from the other side of the couch. He was still clutching the Gameboy. Ivan rubbed his head. He had landed next to Matthew.

"That is the unfortunate thing about Тетрис," Ivan commented, "Lines can never join together to become one."

"Um... maybe it's a good thing?" Matthew suggested.

Ivan shrugged and then noted Matthew's high score.

"I bet you Alaska that I can beat your high score."

"I'm not America I'm... never mind, you're on!"

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Game Over

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Notes:

Dum da de dum: Alfred's humming Korobeniki, or Tetris type A.

Video Games from Japan: Correction Matthew, all the GOOD video games come from Japan

Oy polnym polna mоya korobushka: Ivan is singing the actual Russian lyrics to Korobeniki... (I got the transliteration from Wikipedia) It's not the whole song of course because that would take up too much space.

Midi: it's just the low-tech videogame melodies that you get on gameboys and the like

Тетрис =Tetris: I'm not actually sure if they're pronounced the same, so I tried to leave it kind of ambiguous.

Tetris is better than Pong: ... seriously it is...

Rocket Ship: A rocket ship launches in (I believe) Type B if you get a highscore

T, J: because the pieces resemble letters that is what they are referred to in the instruction manual.

Seeing Tetris Pieces EVERYWHERE: This actually happens if you play too much Tetris...

Game Over: It is impossible to ever actually win at Tetris, if you were able to keep up with the high speed, the Z and S would screw you in the end according to random number theory (or something smart like that)

Why did I do this? Because it needed to be DONE!!! I want more people to write Tetris fics!! (and draw Tetris!Russia... come on guys! It makes so much sense!!)


End file.
